


show me where my armor ends (where my skin begins)

by bysine



Series: odd couple buddies [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Comedy, Friendship, Gen, Social Media, Superhero Hijinks, odd couple buddy tragicomedy, peter parker: corporate peon, pretty much an au by this point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 06:04:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16423829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bysine/pseuds/bysine
Summary: “Oh my god,” says Peter, sticking his head back under the hand dryer. This was exactly what he’d been afraid of when he agreed that yes, maybe Cap should have words with Mr Stark about not going overboard with the Oscorp acquisition.Arun has clearly mistaken Peter’s anguish for a surge of crippling inadequacy, because he pats Peter encouragingly on the shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll be fine, Pete. As long as you stop falling asleep so much. And coming in late. And getting ‘trapped in the printing room’ for two hours because you lost your key card.” Arun pauses. “Er.”“It's bad, isn't it,” says Peter.





	show me where my armor ends (where my skin begins)

**fyeahjbbarnes**

**DreamWorks lines up film about New York vigilante**  
_DreamWorks studio has bought the rights to Spideywatch: New York’s Diary of a Hero_

Stephen Spielberg’s Hollywood studio is set to oversee a film about masked vigilante and occasional Avenger Spider-man, after securing the screen rights to _Spideywatch: New York’s Diary of a Hero_ by New York Times journalist Betty Brant.

Brant’s book charts Spider-man’s journey through stories told by various New Yorkers of their encounters with him over the years. It also pieces together a theory about Spider-man’s origins and the man behind the mask.

There has been no official statement from the Avengers or Spider-man on the proposed film. At the time the book was released, billionaire philanthropist Tony Stark, also known as Iron Man, told the press that Spider-man’s identity was “a true mystery” and that Brant’s theory “sounds pretty convincing to me”. 

#good books #spidey #will jbb be in this

  **suchafullsea**  
  the book only has a little bit in chapter 3 about jbb and spider-man fighting crime in nyc together unfortunately

    **marconi**  
    nobody knows who spidey is tho?????? So is this whole thing is going to be a documentary or what

      **mockingbird**  
      i think brant's main theory is he’s really a 30-something y/o scientist who tested a super soldier formulation on himself and has now committed his life to fighting crime, so i assume if this is not a documentary they'll run with that

        **buckybear**  
        BUT WHO WILL PLAY JBB 

\---

The long months in which Harry Osborn had been Peter’s boss had involved a lot of the following: (1) having to waylay him in the corridor leading to Oscorp R&D (or, as Harry and nobody else called it, The Party Lab) in order to buy everyone else an extra half an hour to get shit done; (2) locating the correct warehouse party to haul him from at four in the morning so that he got to investors’ meetings on time; (3) finding tactful ways to explain to Harry that it was neither possible nor appropriate to make the PowerPoint deck any more “jizz my pants sexy” than it already was; (4) sitting through monologues about how the Avengers and/or Spider-man (as the case may be) killed his father and he had to uphold Norman Osborn’s legacy; and (5) managing the ensuing alcohol-fuelled meltdown about how “revenge is exhausting” and “why can’t I just live my life and party like a normal guy”. 

By contrast, the company undergoing a hostile takeover has been a vast improvement. Notwithstanding the part where everyone’s jobs are now at stake. Or nobody knowing if they should continue working on the recursive arc reactor or Harry’s ‘Harness the Power of the Freakin’ Sun’ projects. Or Peter being summarily transferred out of Oscorp and into an entirely different department at Stark Industries.

Arun is the one to break the news to Peter, after he discovers Peter on the 27th floor bathroom with his head under the hand dryer. Peter is also two hours late for work after having to wrestle a disintegrating Sandman through three feet of subway drain water. 

To Arun’s credit, he’s seen enough odd behaviour from Peter to not bother commenting on it. Instead, he says, “They’re sending you in with the sharks, Pete.” 

“What?” says Peter, because the hand dryer is really loud. 

“The sharks,” Arun repeats, when the hand dryer shuts off. “They’re setting up an interim Stark-Oscorp R&D strategy unit and you’re in it.” 

“What does that even mean?” asks Peter. “What about you guys?”

“We’re staying put for now,” says Arun. “But this team sounds _intense_ , man. Jen thinks they’re putting in the guys they don’t mind firing in case the thing fails - no offence. On the bright side, I hear they’ll report straight to the CEO, so if this works out…”

“Oh my god,” says Peter, sticking his head back under the hand dryer. This was exactly what he’d been afraid of when he agreed that yes, maybe Cap should have words with Mr Stark about not going overboard with the Oscorp acquisition.

Arun has clearly mistaken Peter’s anguish for a surge of crippling inadequacy, because he pats Peter encouragingly on the shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll be fine, Pete. As long as you stop falling asleep so much. And coming in late. And getting ‘trapped in the printing room’ for two hours because you lost your key card.” Arun pauses. “Er.”

“It's bad, isn't it,” says Peter.

“I gotta be honest with you, Pete, you were great at wrangling Harry, but you’ve never exactly been employee of the month. That being said, you're a nice dude and we all like you.”

Peter squints at Arun. “Did you just compliment sandwich me?”

“I went for the refresher workshop last week.”

“Nice,” says Peter, and they both pretend to throw up. 

He returns to his desk to find the last slice of Jen’s custom ordered Our-Boss-Is-A-Supervillain cake sitting by his keyboard. There's also a card made from Oscorp letterhead paper with the word “Fuck!!!” scribbled in block letters on the front. It has been signed by the whole department.

“Thanks, guys, this is really sweet,” Peter calls, sinking down into his chair and pulling out his phone. He has one message from Mr Stark: _I hear someone's moving up in the world_

 _WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS_ , Peter types furiously. He re-reads the message, adds _Mr Stark_ at the end out of politeness, and changes the text to lowercase before sending it.

 _Having to travel between Stark Industries and the Tower of Villainy is a much better cover than a three-hour stomach ache_.  
__  
Fair enough, Peter replies.  
_  
Also Pepper thinks you have Potential_ , Mr Stark adds, _which you should find slightly terrifying_.

Peter spends the rest of the day finishing a status report for the ‘Freakin’ Sun’ project and packing away his personal effects into the boxes someone from office management dumped in the corridor for him. He finds himself pausing over the custom table name plate Harry had presented to each of them at Peter's first and only department retreat. Peter's had originally read, ‘Peter Parker, Corporate Peon’, until someone had come by with a sharpie and amended the ‘o’ in peon such that it spelled ‘Peen’ instead. 

There’s no reason why he should keep it. He can't imagine ever explaining this to anyone without also giving them the necessary context of his entire first year at Oscorp. Also, Harry's inflicted enough bombs on Peter (of both Jäger and pumpkin varieties) that he should really not be sentimental about this. And yet.

“What the hell,” he says, and tosses it into the box as well.

\---

The Atlantic | Global  
**Sokovia II: 5 Years On**  
_The second iteration of the Sokovia Accords has largely fulfilled its purpose, but is there still more to be done?_  
By Christine Everhart

The Second Sokovia Accords, commonly referred to as Sokovia II, was by all accounts an instrument hastily negotiated and signed. Devised in the immediate aftermath of attempted interplanetary invasion by the alien Thanos, the primary purpose of Sokovia II had been to ratify the otherwise illegal actions of the enhanced individuals who sprang into action to hold off the threat. This group included the original Captain America, Steve Rogers, who famously refused to sign the first iteration of the Accords. 

Sokovia II has since become the framework by which most enhanced individuals derive their international mandates, setting broad principles guiding how and to what extent intervention is necessary. Organisations such as SHIELD and the World Council for Interplanetary Relations have also established strong working relationships with the Sokovia II governing panel, which has led to several successful joint missions, notably the Avengers’ intervention in Latveria and SHIELD's continued collaboration with various governments in locating and eradicating AIM bases.

But Sokovia II's reach does not extend to enhanced individuals’ actions within their own countries. This has worked well enough domestically, despite uneven federal- and state-level approaches towards vigilante activity by enhanced individuals. The state of New York, which has notably taken a ‘light-touch’ approach towards such vigilantism, has seen a proliferation of local “superheroes” in New York City. However, opinion is now divided on whether there has been a corresponding dip in crime, with anti-vigilante hardliners arguing that the heavy presence of enhanced individuals has led to an escalation in violence and the use of alien technology weapons. 

One of New York City's most famous local vigilantes, Spider-man, has recently faced severe public backlash over his allegedly careless methods of stopping crime. This comes after several subway lines were shut down or delayed following flooding caused during his altercation with a local criminal known as “the Sandman”. In a separate incident, Spider-man's attempt to intervene in an attack on the city by Aleksei Sytsevich, better known as “Rhino”, caused a catastrophic pile-up on Queensboro Bridge. The drivers of those vehicles are now attempting to bring a lawsuit claiming damages for pain and suffering caused by Spider-man's negligence in containing the threat. There have also been calls for stricter regulation of enhanced individuals in New York state. 

On this fifth anniversary of Sokovia II, there is much to be proud of in terms of the advances made in empowering and regulating enhanced individuals. Perhaps it is time to look to our own shores to examine how the same may be achieved domestically.

\---

With all that's been going on, Peter's not terribly surprised when Bucky comes careening round the corner during a bank robbery. 

“ _Don't_ say you were in the neighbourhood,” says Peter, webbing away one of the robbers’ AIM hybrid extractor guns and swinging it towards Bucky.

“Nah,” Bucky replies, catching the gun and pointing it at the next nearest robber, who freezes. “There's a two-point pick up station one block away.”

Peter webs up the guy. “Are you seriously redistributing citi bikes at one in the morning?”

“Those bike angel points don't earn themselves, sweetheart,” Bucky replies, getting the last robber in a headlock. “Me and this other guy are neck and neck on the leaderboard.”

Together they restrain the robbers by the entrance of the bank, and Peter covers the extractor gun in webbing. 

“The police have been notified,” says Karen. 

Peter turns to Bucky. “Do you want Karen to help identify the nearest one-point drop off station?” 

“She’s just sent me the location,” says Bucky, swinging one leg over the bike he’d left propped up against the side of the building. “Thanks, Karen.”

“Anything for you, Mr Barnes.”

“You know he can't hear you, right?” Peter tells her, slightly grumpy, as Bucky cycles away.

“I know,” says Karen breezily.

Peter leaves the robbers behind with a note ( _OLD SCHOOL BANK ROBBERS IN THIS DAY AND AGE? - SPIDER-MAN_ ) and sets off after Bucky, swinging overhead while Bucky pedals at breakneck speed towards the station ten blocks north. 

“Feels just like old times,” Bucky says, when Peter lands beside him.

“Are you going to talk about stickball and one orange for Christmas now?” asks Peter, even though he knows exactly what Bucky means. It’s been ages since they’ve done a night patrol together - not since Bucky got busy with his carpentry business and Cap retired.

Bucky rolls his eyes. “Watch it, pal.” He docks the bike, and then checks his bike angels app with a laser focus once reserved for executing high level assassinations and vanishing off grid for two entire years. 

“Want a lift to your next pick-up station?” Peter asks, just to make Bucky roll his eyes again.

“I'm not too keen on more pictures of you swinging my ass through Midtown if it's not strictly necessary, thank you very much,” says Bucky.

Peter waves a hand. “Suit yourself.”

“Okay, I gotta make one more three-point drop off and then I'm done for the night,” says Bucky, poking at his phone. “Want to get a milkshake after, at that diner near our old place?”

“The one you called overpriced and phoney?” 

“How many other twenty-four hour milkshake joints do you know of, huh?”

Peter shrugs. “You don't even like milkshakes.”

“You do,” Bucky replies, before sprinting off into the night.

The diner is moderately crowded but nobody seems perturbed when Spider-man and Bucky Barnes walk in to order takeout. The host seems more surprised by the fact that Bucky produces a reusable cup from inside his jacket than anything else. 

They retire to a nearby rooftop, Bucky choosing to clamber up the fire escape while Peter hoists himself serenely up by his web, clutching their two drinks in his other hand. It does feel, in that moment, very much like old times; the two of them perched on the side of a roof looking out over the Village. Except now neither of them has an econometrics paper or statistics problem set to turn in by noon. This seems, on balance, to be an improvement. 

“New job treating you okay?” Bucky asks.

“Yeah,” says Peter, poking the straw around the dregs of his milkshake. “Everyone’s really smart, but in that kind of obnoxious way? But at least my team leader isn’t a homicidal super-villain. Or I think she’s not. Probably. Also, if one more guy from sales strategy makes a snide comment about my ‘silicon valley aesthetic’ I might punch them.”

“What does that even mean?” 

“I guess I don’t wear a fancy enough suits or something.” 

Bucky snorts. “Assholes.”

“And also, like, you know how when we have team dinners and parties and stuff, Ms Potts comes along sometimes and she’s really chill and everything?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, it’s weird but I don’t think I ever realised how much of a big deal she is,” says Peter. “She’s amazing, and nobody wants to let her down. An intern cried the other day because Ms Potts looked disappointed.”

Bucky laughs. “I know the look.” 

“I don’t know, I think I could really learn some stuff there,” says Peter. “But I guess that's not - well.”

“Well, what?”

“Well, there's all this,” says Peter, gesturing towards the glowing streets before them. He doesn't quite know how to describe the odd sense of weariness he feels sometimes, looking out over the city at night-time. When he was sixteen or eighteen or twenty-one he'd approached these things - being Spider-man, being an Avenger - with a clarity of purpose that now seems stunning to him. Now it feels like there's no time for clarity; he's just buffeted from place to place, from one fire to the next. Now people in suits wait for him to emerge from burning buildings in order to hand him court papers. Now he mostly just wants to lie down.

Maybe he doesn't have to put words to how he feels, because Bucky just nudges Peter and exchanges Peter's empty cup for his own untouched milkshake. Says: “You know the legal team Maria Hill's got working on your case are the same people who worked on my congressional hearing.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” says Bucky. “Marilyn’s team, right? She's all right.”

Peter takes a sip of Bucky’s milkshake, which Bucky had spent a comically long time pretending to choose. “Thanks.”

They sit for a while in silence, listening to the sound of distant police sirens. Karen flags up a possible mugging in Hell's Kitchen and then marks it as resolved - by Daredevil, probably.

“Did I ever tell you about how Stevie and I used to share milkshakes during the blazing Brooklyn summers?” says Bucky after a moment.

“Uh, no?”

“Yeah, that's ‘cause we didn’t. Because it was the Depression and we were broke as hell.”

Peter groans. “I should've seen this coming.”

“But we did have _one orange at Christmas_ ," Bucky continues, unable to help the massive grin creeping onto his face.

“I’ll leap off this building, I swear–”

\---

**Shawarma buddies**

_Messages sent on StarkChat are secured with end-to-end encryption, whatever that is. Actually, you should probably tap for more info._

**Director Hill (don't you dare change this username)  
** Will follow up with legal to work something out with the studio - bottom line is they should not be registering any of your names as trademarks.

TODAY

 **birb captain:  
** Tony is that your tech down in New Mexico right now

 **tony stank:  
** Is what my what in New Mexico

 **birb captain:  
** I'm getting reports of a suit intervening in a prison escape  
You know how they feel about interventions in New Mexico  
[40s video]

 **tony stank:  
**!!!!!! Not mine

 **birb captain:  
** The “suit” just disintegrated  
Ok it's not your tech. Sorry

 **tony stank:  
** Excuse you  
Coordinates please, will investigate

\---

“You have one voice message,” says Karen, as Peter barely avoids being hit by a blast of water from Namor. Or perhaps it's Attuma’s - honestly, he's stopped keeping track.

“Is this really a good time?” asks Peter, grabbing a falling lamp post before it crushes a lady with a stroller. “Hold on, ma’am, I'll get you both out of here,” he says, pushing the lamp post aside. “I just need you to take your son out of his stroller and I'll swing you both somewhere safe."

The woman looks Peter dead in the eye. “Sir, this Bugaboo is brand new. I am not leaving it behind.”

“The message is from work,” says Karen.

“Okay, yeah, I need to take it,” says Peter, as he figures out a way to web up the stroller and grab hold of the screaming child and mother at the same time. They continue to scream as he swings his way, one-handed, down the street and outside the perimeter of Namor and Attuma’s water duel death match.

“Hi Peter, I don't know if you remember me, but this is your colleague and team leader Gwen Stacy Nguyen speaking. I just need your help with one tiny question: _where the actual fuck are you?_ ”

“Oh, crap,” says Peter. “Karen, is the presentation today or tomorrow?”

“Your presentation is scheduled to start in ten minutes,” Karen replies.

Peter experiences, for a good half a second, a sense of terrifying vertigo. Then he realises it's because he’s actually falling. He shoots another line of web and swings up towards the next building. The child is still yelling directly into his ear.

“How do I remove this stuff?” asks the stroller lady after Peter sets her, her son and the stroller down on a safe-looking rooftop. 

A loud watery bang goes off in the distance.

“I gotta go,” says Peter, vaulting off the side of the roof. “Karen, what's the status on backup?”

“Still awaiting responses.”

“Okay. Can you call Gwen back, please?”

“Certainly,” says Karen. 

Gwen picks up on the second ring. “Listen, I put my neck on the fucking line to convince Tim that you were up for this–"

“I'm so sorry, there's been an emergency–"

“Isn't there always?”

Namor and Attuma are now directing some kind of sonar wave attack at each other that's smashing all the windows in the vicinity, which is a thing Peter didn't even _know_ they could do. He picks up a ripped-out car door just in time to shield a cop from a shower of falling glass. “I'm sorry, I'll explain, just give me ten minutes and I'll–"  
_  
_ “I'm covering for you _one last time_ , do you hear me?” says Gwen. She sighs. “Send me your slides. If you're not here in ten minutes I'll do the fucking presentation.”

“Okay, I owe you like, ten coffees–"

“You owe me so much fucking coffee it's not even funny anymore,” Gwen says, and hangs up. 

“Hey,” says the police officer whose life Peter just saved, “think you can do something about that?”

Peter looks in the direction the police officer is pointing, just as Attuma flings an actual truck directly at Namor, smashing a fire hydrant in the process. Water explodes everywhere.

“Officer, can I borrow this?” asks Peter, gesturing towards his megaphone.

“HEY! KEANU AND TRITON!” Peter bellows into the megaphone, swinging up the side of a nearby building so Namor and Attuma can see him. “Mind taking this somewhere else so the people of New York can get to work?” 

Namor pauses in the middle of lifting up a car. “Which one of us are you calling Keanu Reeves?”

Peter takes the opportunity to web the car out of Namor's hands. “Look, I don't know what you two are disagreeing on this time but you've got to stop having duels in Manhattan. Do you know how much hate mail I get whenever there's water damage?”

Namor shrugs. “I get that too.”

“You don't even have an email address, what are you talking about,” says Peter.

“Stop this nattering!” Attuma roars, brandishing his trident. “I have come to claim the throne of Atlantis!”

“Oh boy,” Peter mutters to himself. “Look, guys,” he says, with a sudden flash of inspiration, “if you keep this up you _know_ they’re going to have to send in the big guns.”

“Guns do not scare me,” Attuma declares.

“Nor me,” says Namor. 

“I meant Thor - they’re gonna send in Thor,” says Peter. “And you remember what happened the last time you tangled with him.”

“Thor is in Oklahoma,” Karen tells Peter. 

“You’re bluffing,” says Namor, but he looks uncomfortable at the mention of their last encounter. “If Thor were really coming, he would already be here.”

“Uh, no?” says Peter, casting about desperately for something else to lead with. “Because… he's holding off for a little while so that I can, uh, make you an offer.” 

“What could _you_ offer the King of Atlantis?” Attuma sneers.

“ _I_ am King of Atlantis,” says Namor. “But I agree with the usurper.”

“Well, uh,” Peter begins, wishing he could ad lib in fake negotiations as well as Mr Stark or Sam. Or that he’d listened more carefully while Cap had been going on about that ‘Getting to Yes’ book he'd been reading for some class he was taking - and _oh_.

“Well, what is it, spider creature?” says Namor, casting a nervous glance at the sky, which is, helpfully, looking a bit darker.

“Uh, if I've learned anything from reading the Wikipedia entries for seven seasons of Game of Thrones, it sounds like this whole thing is really complicated and exhausting.”

“It is relatively taxing, yes,” says Attuma.

“It sounds,” Peter continues, “like you might be in need of a neutral party who’s willing to talk to both sides and work through your differences.”

Namor considers this for a moment. “Like peace talks.”

“Yeah, exactly,” says Peter. “We'll arrange for someone to conduct peace talks in exchange for you guys agreeing to a truce.”

“And I suppose you're proposing yourself?” asks Attuma.

“Absolutely not,” Peter replies. “But I do know someone who's just become a certified mediator with the New York State Dispute Resolution Association.”

\---

Cap can I just say in advance that I'm SO sorry

 **Cap (!!!!):**  
What’s going on?  
Pete

If you get a weird email from Namor about mediating their throne dispute That was me

 **Cap (!!!!)** is typing…

On the bright side, you’ve saved the Upper West Side from further destruction?

\---

He stumbles in through the back door of the meeting room just as Gwen finishes the last slide on the presentation. 

“I have one question about some of those figures you showed us earlier,” Ms Potts is saying, as Peter creeps his way through the last row of chairs and sits down as quietly as he can. 

Not quietly enough to escape Gwen's attention, however, because she says, “Well, since these slides were compiled by Peter, perhaps _Peter_ would like to take Ms Potts through the stats.”

Everyone at the conference table swivels around to look at him. 

“Hi, folks,” Peter says, and immediately wants to kick himself. He stands up and gives an awkward little wave. “So, uh, slide twenty-seven–"

“Twenty-nine,” says Gwen. 

_You’re a disaster_ , mouths Tim Bianchi from behind Ms Potts’ back.

It's not that Peter doesn't know this stuff - he's spent the past week working on this deck. For four nights straight he's had dreams where he's just scrolling through endless spreadsheets of data. But his hands are still shaking from the fight earlier and the journey down. Also he's just had to change in a storage closet and is now pretty sure his collar is sticking up weirdly around his tie because people keep subconsciously tugging at their own while they're looking at him.

“Yes, Peter?” says Ms Potts. She's smiling mildly at him, all patient and warm. Like she doesn't think he's a hot mess who is late for everything and can't even dress like a functioning adult. And Peter _cannot_ screw this up. He would die if he screws this up.

Peter takes a deep breath, and begins to explain.

“That went… surprisingly okay,” says Gwen after the meeting. They've gotten the go-ahead for their proposal and also a coveted ‘good presentation’ from Ms Potts, which had made Gwen grin despite herself. 

“Yeah?” says Peter.

“Apart from the fact that you _left me in the fucking lurch_ ,” Gwen adds. 

“I just want to apologise for that, Gwen,” says Peter. “I'm so, so sorry.”

“I don't get it, you know,” says Gwen, and there's something in the look she gives Peter, that slightly bewildered disappointment, that reminds him of Liz Toomes. “You're clearly able to put in the work, and then you go ahead and fuck everything else up.”

“It’s not like I set out to do that,” says Peter, “I just.”

Gwen folds her arms across her chest. “You just what?” 

“I guess there’s a lot going on right now.” Peter shakes his head. “Sorry, I know that’s not an excuse. I’ll try harder.” 

Gwen looks grimly at him for a moment. Then she points at his collar. “There's tape - you have a bit of tape stuck there–"

“Oh god,” says Peter, fumbling at it, “has that been there the whole time?”

“Yes,” Gwen replies, turning to go. She pauses. “Now are you coming for team lunch or what?”

\---

The Guardian | Film  
**Jamie Bell set for Patty Jenkins’ vigilante drama  
** _The British actor will take the lead in drama based on Betty Brant’s book Spideywatch: New York’s Diary of a Hero_  
  
Billy Elliot star Jamie Bell will play Spider-man in a film about the vigilante’s life directed by Patty Jenkins. 

The film will be based on the book _Spideywatch: New York’s Diary of a Hero_ , by Betty Brant, which documents various New Yorkers’ encounters with Spider-man over the years since his first appearances stopping crime in Queens. Brant claims that Spider-man may be a scientist who managed to biologically engineer himself with superhuman powers, and has since been forced to hide his identity in order to keep the details of his enhancements from falling into the wrong hands. 

Jenkins has said that the film, which has yet to be titled, will be an exploration of “what it means to be a hero in this modern age”, and is “loosely inspired by what we know about Spider-man”. Bell meanwhile has expressed that he is open to the possibility of meeting with Spider-man, saying: “I have nothing but respect for Spider-man, and I want to do right by him.” 

\---

Peter does in fact go for team lunch, and manages to stay all of fifteen minutes before his phone goes off. 

“Sorry, I have to take this,” he says, even though everyone’s too busy figuring out which sandwich they ordered to really care. 

“Hey, kid, bit of a situation down by the old alma mater,” says Mr Stark when Peter answers.

“I’m sorry?” 

“FRIDAY's getting reports of a ‘giant lizard creature’ bursting out from the toilets in the Abraham Erskine building at ESU,” says Mr Stark, “apparently it’s trying to get into the labs. Wanda’s on the move but she’s coming from Bushwick.” 

“Okay,” says Peter, swallowing down the exhaustion, the urge to say _why can’t you ask someone else for a change_. “I’ll head over.” 

“Thanks, Pete,” says Mr Stark. “We’ll catch up when I’m back from Chicago.” 

“Leaving again, Parker?” asks Tim Bianchi.

“Yeah, uh, loose ends at Oscorp,” Peter replies, trying to ignore the aggressive eye-rolling around the table. “Mind if I grab that sandwich?” 

He does not get to eat that sandwich. What he does get is a vicious clawing to the chest and a student technology centre collapsing on top of him, which Wanda helpfully removes when she arrives five minutes later. 

“Where's the lizard?” Wanda asks, magic still sparking at her fingers.

“I think it got away,” Peter groans, flopping over in the rubble. “Is anyone hurt?”

“You appear to have suffered a concussion,” Karen says.

“No, they evacuated the building pretty thoroughly and you got the last stragglers out,” says Wanda. “Can you stand?”

Peter sighs. “Do I have to?”

“Ha ha,” says Wanda, in that tone she always uses when she's aware it's polite to laugh at a joke but still thinks you're an idiot. “Come on, let's get you to the facility,” she says, gesturing to the Fiat 500 that she's illegally parked in the playground across the street. “You need a doctor.” 

“No, I'll heal,” says Peter, sitting up with a wince. He realises, suddenly, that the last thing he wants right now is to see the inside of the Avengers facility. He thinks of its smooth clean rooms and state-of-the-art everything, of recruits running drills in the massive hangar-field area, and is startled to find something bitter twist in his stomach. “I just need a bit of rest.”

Wanda shrugs. “Okay. But you should probably have someone around to make sure you don't die in your sleep.”

His first thought is of Queens - of just collapsing in his old room at May's and sleeping the events of the day away. But he knows she'll be worried enough just hearing about the fight on the news. Actually seeing his ripped up suit - and holy shit, those claws ripped through the _suit_ \- would make things exponentially worse.

Wanda seems to arrive at a decision of her own. “I'm taking you to Greenpoint.”

She must have messaged Cap sometime during the drive there, because he’s ready with a first aid kit when they arrive at his doorstep. 

“I became a certified mediator so I could help with _gardening-related disputes_ ,” he says when he sees Peter, but he also helps Wanda get Peter’s arm over his shoulder so he can help him into the apartment. 

“Sorry, Cap,” Peter mumbles into his shoulder, as the Steve Rogers whale of sadness is displaced from the couch so that Peter can lie down on it. 

He's dimly aware of Wanda and Cap conferring somewhere nearby, and a couple of mentions of WebMD and calling the facility doctors for advice. Then Cap is getting Peter to hit the release catch on the suit so he can clean the wounds and they've got someone on speakerphone talking about healing factors.

“I'll come by every now and then to wake you up, alright?” Cap is saying, but Peter doesn't manage a reply because he's drifting off to sleep.

He wakes up - properly, because being shaken awake every two hours on concussion watch doesn't count - to the sound of Cap watching a gardening tutorial video. Peter sits up gingerly. Cap's in the armchair with his feet propped up on the table and the tablet propped up in his lap, and he's taking _notes_. 

“What's your name?” Cap asks, without looking up.

“I'm fine, I think I’m okay now,” says Peter, untangling himself from a blanket someone had covered him with at some point. 

Cap gives Peter a look.

“Peter Parker,” Peter replies.

“Okay,” says Cap, returning to his tomato stakes.

Peter reaches for his phone and checks the time. “Oh crap, it's late,” he says. “I hope I didn't disrupt any plans.”

“Only bingo night,” Cap replies gravely, and Peter is genuinely unsure if he's joking until he winks. “You should drink that.”

Peter picks up the glass of orange juice on the table, and takes a look at his wounds. He's healed considerably, the gashes already scabbed over and itching slightly. 

“Thanks, Cap,” he says, when he's drained the glass. 

“Don't mention it,” Cap replies. He hits pause in the middle of a very detailed analysis of the comparative benefits of wooden, bamboo and plastic stakes. “You did get a few phone calls earlier from work. I let Pepper know you were down.”

Peter grabs at his phone again and checks his messages. There are three from Gwen ( _where r you??_ ; _sorry didnt realise you have telecommuting approval_ ; and _you owe tim 11.50 for the sandwich_ ) and a couple more emails about post-presentation stuff that he'll need to work on later. 

His battered-looking suit is draped over the giant whale like the world’s saddest mannequin. Cap sees him looking at it and says, “Wanda,” like that explains everything. 

“I’ll have to take it in,” says Peter, leaning over to pick it up. The circuitry inside has been ripped as well. He’d have died if not for the suit. The next person that lizard creature comes across might not be so fortunate. 

Maybe Cap recognises the expression on Peter's face, because he reaches across the table to take the suit gently from Peter's hands. “Rest tonight, that's an order,” he says. “Plenty of time to go chasing after lizards tomorrow.”

But there isn't, Peter thinks, because every day feels like two days stacked on top of each other and he’s just scrambling along in between them. He wants to do more - he _needs_ to, people need him to - but it’s all he can do to keep going. 

“Want to order pizza?” he says instead, because Cap doesn’t need to hear all this. 

“You're in luck,” says Cap, looking rather pleased with himself, “because I already did.”

They finish the pizza while watching the Bob Ross of gardening explain how to improve their soil. Peter falls asleep in the middle of a bit on conducting a pH test, and doesn’t wake till morning.

\---

 **Reuters Top News** @Reuters  
Captain America Samuel Wilson’s UN speech on Sokovia II anniversary interrupted by AIM attack  reut.rs/4Bx0Qy3

 **CNN Breaking News** @cnnbrk  
Princess Shuri, Captain America and Thor contain AIM threat in Vienna  cnn.it/7JqepCl

 **New York Daily News** @NYDailyNews  
Spider-man evacuates ESU students from laboratory during attack by unidentified “lizard monster”  nydn.us/3xLwqLa

 **The Daily Bugle** @dailybugle  
Failure! Masked Menace Defeated By Other Wall Crawler  bug.le/7kWbJi

 **BuzzFeed** @BuzzFeed  
8 Times Wanda Maximoff Ignored Parking Rules In Order To Kick Some Ass

\---

“Do I look like I have another multi-million dollar suit just sitting in a drawer somewhere?” asks Mr Stark over the phone from Chicago.

“Uh,” says Peter. 

“The answer is yes, by the way, but I’ll need some time to lizard-proof it,” Mr Stark says. “Congratulations, you get the week off.”

So Peter goes to work. He comes in early on the subway instead of having to madly cling to the roof of a W train and swing in over half an hour late. He gets to finish his eleven-dollar sandwich at team lunch and manages to be around to put in his order when the interns go on a coffee run. He drafts a whole report in one sitting. 

It's a strange feeling.

“Thanks,” says Gwen, when Peter comes by to discuss Ms Potts’ note on portfolio expansion. 

“Thanks?” Peter repeats lamely.

“Our discussion that day,” says Gwen. “Thanks for taking it seriously. I feel like you're really applying yourself.”

“Okay,” says Peter, feeling like an idiot, voice cracking on the ‘kay’. His heart is doing funny things in his chest and he knows he's turning red. 

“Yeah, anyway, this fucking thing,” Gwen continues, while Peter pretends to be very interested in a Gantt chart.

Ned comes to town to present his microRNA switches paper at a conference, and Peter actually can meet him for once. 

“There’s this dinner I said yes to though, with Cindy and Abe and the other academic decathlon people,” Ned tells him when they FaceTime to make plans. “Come with?”

“Okay,” Peter replies, and keys it into his phone with the gusto of someone who hasn't successfully made dinner plans in five years (other Avengers do not count). 

“So the lizard _wasn't_ the approximate size of a T-Rex,” says Ned, when they meet at Canal Street station to walk to whatever trendy place Seymour O'Reilly has chosen for their impromptu team reunion.

“No, it was the size of a dude,” Peter replies. “How is that not terrifying enough for you?”

“I'm not saying a dude-sized lizard isn't scary,” says Ned, “I'm just saying that everyone in Boston is saying it was a T-Rex.”

“Well, it _wasn’t_ a T-Rex, I would know,” says Peter. 

“Know what?” asks MJ, appearing behind them.

“I thought you said you weren't coming,” says Ned.

“Am I though?” MJ replies, squinting at the two of them, but her squint-and-misdirection of mystery has become so normal to them that they've ceased to be perplexed by it. “Hey, Sticky,” she says to Peter as they continue down the street. “Didn't expect to see you here.”

“Hey, yourself,” Peter replies, bumping shoulders with her in greeting.

“How's the suit?” she asks.

“Getting an upgrade,” says Peter. “How's the artist residency?”

“Not boring,” MJ replies, “but I'm also doing a bit of nonprofit consulting on the side now.”

“Overachiever,” Ned coughs into his fist.

“Speak for yourself, Mr MD-PhD,” MJ snipes back. 

With the inclusion of Peter, it seems they've got the whole team in attendance apart from Liz, who Cindy says is clerking for a judge in DC. Even Flash is there, fresh off the plane from Beijing where he’s doing something financial and complicated. 

“I’d explain, but it would blow your minds,” he says, while MJ pretends to throw up into her drink. 

Ned and Abe, in the meantime, are swapping stories about lab supervisors and publication (“Doctor Connors is great, though, he basically told me he’d see me back in MIT and set me loose.” Ned says) while Cindy and Seymour have an extended conversation about real estate in New York City.

Peter remembers, now, why he had stopped going for these things not long after they had all left for college. Because he’s not found a way to answer the question, “So what are you up to these days,” in a way that’s not somehow disappointing. Because everyone had always seemed just a little bit baffled that Peter had turned down MIT and Caltech to stay in New York. Because nobody is meant to see what Peter does as Spider-man and so they see nothing, just a blank expanse of wasted potential as he fails to dream their dreams. 

He should be past this. He remembers what it was like to realise how there are so many different ways someone can be ferociously smart, not just the specific brand of cleverness that they’d been taught to recognise. The effortless physics (or lack thereof) with which Cap throws his shield, easy like breathing; the precise turns and angles as Sam cuts through the air - how this same easy precision winds its way into the calls they make in a firefight. The inexplicable spy logic that Bucky and Black Widow both possess, like their minds and bodies are perpetually playing a chess game of watching and thinking and doing, dozens of steps ahead. 

And almost getting killed in space, he likes to think, kind of did away with whatever part of him that might regard winning an academic decathlon as making or breaking his entire future. 

But when Flash turns to him and says, genuinely admiring, “Looks like that Stark Internship actually paid off, huh, Penis Parker,” it's nice, nonetheless. It's nice to still feel like he can keep pace with his peers, to shrug and nod and feel a surge of satisfaction at the impressed looks around the table. 

“For what it’s worth,” says MJ later, after a second round of drinks and a visit to the Lanzhou noodle place, when it's just the two of them standing on a subway platform, “I think you’re doing great, Sticky.” 

Peter ducks his head, lets her loop her arm through his. “Nobody calls me Sticky, by the way. It’s not a thing.” 

“It will be if I say it is,” says MJ, and he laughs, he can’t help it. He’s drunk on the normalness of this, how new it feels to him. 

“Okay,” Peter replies. They spend the train ride scrolling through the ‘Same picture of OG Cap eating a hotdog’ Instagram account that MJ has been maintaining for three entire years.

At the end of the week, Peter's new suit arrives. He lets it sit in its customary paper bag for an entire hour. Doesn't even read the accompanying note from Mr Stark first. 

Later, he recognises the odd feeling in his chest for what it is: disappointment. 

This scares him more than falling.

\---

 **May:**  
OK I asked someone from work and they sent me a couple of good places!

Thanks May

 **May:**  
And can I just say that while I think your ‘silicon valley aesthetic’ (James told me) makes you look very fresh and charming, I'm so glad you're taking this sartorial step because I've always thought you look so handsome in a proper suit.

… I just wanted to know if there was anywhere affordable

 **May:  
** SO handsome.

\---

If he waits an extra minute to respond to a scanner alert that Karen flags up, it’s not like anyone notices. If he decides, every now and then, to let one of the Defenders pick up the slack on a busy night, nobody says anything. He’s still on the scene, still putting in the hours. Except now, more often than before, he’s got his laptop open on some roof somewhere, answering 1 a.m. emails from Ms Potts and reading grant proposals. 

“Are you watching this hot mess of a movie or are you emailing ‘Timothy J. Bianchi’?” asks Sam, peering at Peter’s computer screen while doing resistance band standing rows by the door.

“Leave him alone,” says Bucky, around a large mouthful of popcorn. “He’s multitasking.” 

“Really,” says Sam, and Peter doesn’t need to look up to know he's got an eyebrow raised. 

“Yeah, listen to this,” says Bucky. “Hey, Pete, what just happened?” 

“Matt Damon had a fistfight with his CGI younger self and The Rock said something about… a drug helicopter?” Peter says, while dragging and dropping three attachments into his email message.

“That is not what is happening right now in _Bourne VII: Born to Run_ ,” says Sam. 

Bucky nods. “Yeah, but it’s funny. I'd watch that movie.”

“Sorry, guys,” says Peter, hitting ‘send’ and setting his laptop aside. “Okay, what did I miss?”

“Matt Damon and his younger self are breaking into the Asgardian embassy so they can get those time algorithms for The Rock,” says Sam.

“For someone who just called this a hot mess, you're really keeping up,” says Bucky.

“Yeah, well,” Sam replies, leaning over the arm of the couch to do shoulder pendulum exercises. “This physiotherapy stuff gets really boring.”

Sam has pulled something again after the fight in Vienna, triggering an old problem with his rotator cuff that keeps coming back to haunt him. It feels of late like he's always halfway through one rehabilitative programme or another for each of the various parts of his body that are not working as well as they should. The coffee table in the apartment he and Bucky share has been permanently shifted aside so that Sam can do all his stretches and foam rolling while catching up on the news. 

“Any luck tracking down that lizard?” Sam asks, dragging his mat over so he can keep one eye on the television as he works on his lower body. 

“Not really,” says Peter, not mentioning the fact that between work and regular night patrol, he hasn't found the time to properly investigate. “Karen's running some diagnostics on the footage, though.”

“My friends are keeping an eye out,” says Sam, “I'll let you know if they spot anything.”

Bucky sticks his foot out to nudge Sam's leg higher as he does a lying hamstring stretch. “Doubt your bird patrol is going to see anything - I'm willing to bet an arm that thing is probably deep in the sewers.”

Sam grunts, pulling his leg a fraction closer. “Which arm?”

Bucky rolls his eyes and opens his mouth to snipe something back, but before he can say anything, a rock pigeon slams into a nearby window. Half a second later, all their phones go off. 

Sam unloops the resistance band from his foot and goes to open the window.

Peter pulls out his phone and reads the message from Black Widow. “Water person demanding something in–"

“The Bronx,” Bucky finishes, having received the same message.

“Great,” says Sam, turning round from the window as the pigeon flaps away. “As if we can afford water damage in another borough.”

Bucky makes a sound of annoyance and goes to put away the popcorn. They gear up while the dreadful Bourne movie continues to play, Bucky stubbing his toe on the propped-up coffee table as he hunts for his last gun and Peter forlornly pulling off his clothes in the living room so he can put on his suit. Sam has all sorts of tape he needs to apply to his shoulder before he can get on his wing pack. While Bucky is helping him with it, Cap calls.

Bucky puts him on speaker. “Is it Namor or Attuma?” Cap asks. “Or both?”

“Hard to tell, there's a _lot_ of water from what the birds could see,” says Sam 

“I'd better go too, if there’s a need for any negotiations,” says Cap. He sighs. “And here I was thinking we'd made progress at the last session.”

“You're coming? Good,” Sam replies. “Might need you to come by and pick up a passenger, I can't carry two.”

“I’ll take Pete,” says Cap a little too quickly.

“Excuse me?” says Bucky. 

“No time to talk, I'll be right round,” Cap says, and hangs up.

“I think he thinks you backseat drive,” Sam tells Bucky as he pulls on his tactical gear and wing pack.

Bucky scowls. “The _one time_ I told him to take Queens Boulevard–"

“I know, I know,” says Sam while he rigs up Bucky’s secondary harness, “if the expressway is being attacked you shouldn’t be trying to–"

“-take the expressway, exactly,” Bucky finishes, looking somewhat pacified. He secures and check the harness and climbs to the window together with Sam. “Tell Stevie - last one there’s in charge of cleanup,” he adds, before Sam launches them into the air.

Peter sighs, switches off the television, and goes down to wait. It doesn’t feel like such a long time ago when he used to pace the street while doing so, craning his neck to look out for Cap coming round the corner. Now he just slumps on the stoop and answers an email from Gwen about ‘when can Arun get the numbers to us’, keeping an ear out for any motorcycle sounds.

“Hey, kid,” says Cap when he finally appears, coming to a stop by the sidewalk. He’s wearing his bike helmet but has otherwise not bothered to suit up in any way. Instead, he’s in a navy and grey striped polo shirt that screams ‘I am only here to negotiate’. “Ready to go?”

It turns out the unidentified water person is neither Namor nor Attuma. 

“He says he’s ‘Hydro-man’,” says Sam over comms while Cap and Peter are still travelling along the expressway.

“Oh, give me a break,” Cap mutters. 

“The fella’s been monologuing for ten minutes about how he got his powers,” Bucky adds, “think he'll just evaporate if we keep him talking till sunrise?”

“ _That's_ your plan?” asks Wanda, who has clearly not bothered to announce that she’s joined the channel. 

Cap sighs. Peter can’t tell if it’s because a cab just cut his lane. “If it's not Namor and Attuma I’ll probably just drop Pete off,” he says. “That okay with everyone?”

“Actually, I'm thinking of trying negotiations and I don't want to overwhelm him,” says Sam. “If we've got Wanda on the scene, I don’t think everyone needs to come down here.”

“I, too, am on the scene,” says Vision. “Wanda and I were attending a party. She’s upset it was interrupted. I am ambivalent.”

“Thanks for sharing,” Sam says flatly. “In that case I think Pete can sit this one out, so we won’t have to trouble Steve. Sorry, man.” 

“Is nobody using codenames on this channel?” says Bucky.

“Okay,” says Peter, trying not to sound too relieved. He’s not even mad that they’d driven all the way up to Port Morris before Sam had made the call.

“Are you really okay with sitting this one out?” Cap asks, after they’ve both dropped off comms (“I was not assigned a code name,” Vision is still saying). 

“Yeah,” says Peter, thinking of the amount of work he can get done before bedtime. Maybe he’ll even watch a Youtube video before he goes to sleep. “Very okay.” 

\---

**fyeahjbbarnes**

**NPR | National**

**Former Assassin, Sometimes-Avenger, Bike Angel  
** Heard on Morning Edition

Sergeant James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes, formerly known as the Winter Soldier, has cycled more than 13,000 miles on ride-share bikes across New York City in an effort to redistribute bikes where others need them. 

_Transcript_

STEVE INSKEEP, HOST:  
James Buchanan Barnes, also known as Bucky Barnes, has never worn a cape. But he certainly deserves several. He fought alongside Captain America in the Second World War. He saved Earth from planetary invasion together with the Avengers. He participates in local crime-fighting in New York City. And he re-distributes Citi Bikes. 

RACHEL MARTIN, HOST:  
New York City is home to the largest bike-share in the United States, with 12,000 bicycles coming and going from 750 docking stations each day. The problem comes when some neighbourhoods end up with too many bikes. So Citi Bike started running its Bike Angels incentives programme. Bike Angels get money and free memberships for helping to move bikes where they are needed.

INSKEEP:  
Mr. Barnes has been an avid Citi Bike user ever since he moved back to New York City.

MARTIN:  
Then he discovered the Bike Angels programme.

JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES:  
I thought it was a great idea. And since I move around a lot anyway, why not help out if I can.

INSKEEP:  
Mr. Barnes frequently occupies the top spot on the Bike Angel leaderboard - there’s a leaderboard - although he maintains that he’s willing to let his position slip if there’s crime to fight.

Read More →

#jbb #citi bike angel #jbb doing his bit for the environment #jbb is the hero we don’t deserve #weeping #jbb giving soundbites to NPR

  **mockingbird**  
  omg he is a literal angel

    **buckybear**  
    13k miles covered??!?

  **marconi**  
      Is it just me or does it feel like he’s been fighting crime a lot more? 

    **fyeahjbbarnes**  
        Yes, I think he has. He helped Captain America take that Hydro guy into custody, and I think just last week he stopped two bank robberies and a mugging. And that’s just what’s been reported. 

      **buckybear**  
      lol isn’t that usually spidey’s beat??? Is spidey on holiday or something

\---

“I’ve survived a journey to _space_ ,” Peter tells May over the phone, “I think I can survive a business trip to Los Angeles.” 

“First of all, can we agree that’s a terrible comparison,” May replies, “and second of all, I’m not worried about one trip to California, I’m worried about everything else.”

“There’s nothing to worry about, May,” says Peter, “I’m doing well, I’m on a good track at work and they’re giving me more responsibility.”

“Well I don’t really know if responsibility really is something you need _more of_ at the moment,” says May. “And now I don’t even see you anymore because you’re also so busy with work.”

Someone taps on Peter’s shoulder, making him jump. He turns to see Gwen making an apologetic face. “We’re boarding,” she says. 

“Listen, May, I gotta go, love you, let’s talk about this when I’m back, alright?” Peter tells May. When she finishes saying goodbye and hangs up he feels compelled to tell Gwen, “That was my aunt.” 

“I’m guessing you didn’t travel much when you were with Oscorp?” asks Gwen. 

Peter laughs. “They wouldn’t have sent me,” he says, before he can stop himself. “I wasn’t - uh. I wasn’t exactly an asset to the team.” 

“Oh yeah, I remember,” says Gwen. “Your disappearing act.”

“I don’t do that now,” says Peter quickly.

“I know,” Gwen replies, and Peter feels himself turn red again. 

It’s not the perfect trip Peter had imagined it to be. He’s so tired from preparing for it that he falls asleep immediately on the plane and doesn’t make any conversation with Gwen like he’d planned. And once they reach the Stark Industries headquarters it’s just full steam ahead, following Ms Potts from meeting to meeting, having working lunches with the R&D teams in between. But every time Gwen introduces the team she says: “This is Peter, he’ll be your point guy for this,” like he’s a dependable person and not a massive fuck-up who goes missing for hours at a time. And at the end of the four days, Ms Potts sends them an email with the subject ‘ _Great work (EOM)_ ’. So maybe it is as perfect a trip as it could possibly get.

Then, of course, it all goes wrong.

“Oh my god, are you seeing this,” says Gwen while they’re in the plane waiting to take off. She turns her phone towards Peter. On the screen, someone is live streaming footage of the lizard monster rampaging through the lobby of a building. It’s got someone in its claw, someone who’s unconscious and who looks weirdly familiar.

Peter checks his own phone, and finds twelve missed calls and an explosion of messages. Before he can read any of them, his phone lights up silently again. He answers it. 

“MJ?” he says. “What’s going on?” 

“Where the hell are you?” MJ asks, sounding more terrified than angry. “That lizard thing - it’s got Ned.”

“But Ned’s in Boston,” says Peter, even as he fumbles for Gwen’s phone again to see if he can get a better look at the person in the video.

“He said something about coming over because Dr Connors wanted to run some tests,” said MJ. “Where _are_ you anyway?”

“That’s Columbia University,” says Gwen, leaning in to look at her phone. “I recognise their science building.”

“I’m not in New York, MJ, I’m catching a flight back from Stark HQ,” says Peter.

“Okay, I’m calling Barnes,” MJ replies, and hangs up. 

She doesn’t need to, because a figure who is definitely Bucky skids into the lobby on a bicycle and launches himself at the lizard. He’s not got any of his guns, only two knives that seem to appear out of nowhere.

“Is that the Winter Soldier?” Gwen asks.

“They don’t call him that any more,” Peter says distractedly, as Bucky runs up a short flight of stairs in order to leap down onto the lizard's neck. The lizard snarls and whips Bucky across the lobby, towards where the idiot with the phone and no self preservation is still filming the entire thing. Bucky scrambles to his feet and shouts something. The live streamer goes running for the exit. 

“Let me see if there’s other news coverage of this,” says Gwen, taking back her phone as the footage cuts off. Peter returns to his messages, watching the Avengers chat group fill with updates - Sam’s on the move, they need Wanda there as soon as possible because the lizard appears to be going after some gas dispersion technology in one of the Columbia labs. Then the messages stop, presumably because people have gone onto comms.

Gwen finds the CNN feed showing helicopter footage of people being evacuated from the building, and also of Bucky being tossed out of a fifth floor window. “Sergeant Barnes is… not moving,” says the reporter, “No, wait - he’s getting to his feet-” 

Bucky’s broken something. It’s obvious from the way he’s staggering back towards the building, but the cameras then cut away from him to capture Sam and Wanda’s arrival. Sam deposits Wanda on the roof of the building before sweeping round to duck in through the window Bucky was just thrown out of. 

“Sir, Ma’am, I’m afraid you’re going to have to put your phones in flight mode for takeoff,” says one of the cabin crew, peering over at their screens. She winks. “I’m sure the Avengers have things under control.” 

Peter must look as sick as he feels, because she also helpfully reaches for his front seat pocket to pull the sickness bag into a more prominent position.

“Are you okay?” Gwen asks.

“I'm fine,” Peter croaks, then spends the rest of the flight with his eyes squeezed shut in what must be the world's most rigid attempt at pretending to be asleep.

It’s the longest five and a half hours of his life. 

\---

 **The New York Times | Live Blog**  
  
An Overview of the “Lizard” Attack at Columbia University  
A creature currently identified as the “Lizard” attacked the Northwest Corner Building at Columbia University, which houses faculty offices, classrooms and research facilities for the disciplines of chemistry, biology, engineering and physics.

  * The attack was contained by late afternoon by a team comprising of Sergeant James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes (who was first to arrive on the scene), Captain America Samuel Wilson, and Wanda Maximoff
  * Students of Columbia University were safely evacuated within the first ten minutes of the attack, with sixteen sent to hospital for minor injuries
  * The hostage earlier taken by the “Lizard” was “unconscious, but not severely hurt”
  * Eyewitnesses claim that near the end of the altercation, the “Lizard” was seen to have changed back into the form of an unidentified man
  * This was the second attack by the “Lizard” on a college in New York City, after its previous attempt to steal items from a lab in Empire State University several months earlier



4.38 PM ET | **Captain America: “A Suspect Has Been Taken Into Custody”**  
Captain America Samuel Wilson took some time during cleanup to speak with the press, saying that the object which the “Lizard” appeared to be after has been kept safe, and that a suspect has been apprehended.

A team from the Department of Damage Control arrived on site shortly after, while Captain Wilson, Sergeant Barnes and Ms Maximoff, all visibly injured, departed to receive medical attention. 

\---

“So,” says Sam, “I now have two super-soldiers living in my apartment. One is very grumpy because he’s recovering from internal bleeding and several broken bones. The other is his best friend, who claims to be taking care of him but is mostly just scrolling WebMD and mainlining gardening videos in the living room.”

“I’m sorry,” says Peter.

Sam looks up from the file he’s been flipping through. “What are you apologising for?” he asks. “I’m just giving you the explanation so you don’t need to ask why I’ve got a sleeping bag rolled out on the couch here.” 

There is in fact a sleeping bag on the couch, which is half-hidden by Sam’s unpacked boxes. It's a testament to how much time Sam spends on the move that he's had this office in the Avengers facility for at least three years now but his bookshelves are still empty. Someone's thought to put the shield up, though - the vibranium one that Sam doesn't use because the photonic one's a lot easier to fly around with.

“Unless you’re apologising about something else,” says Sam. 

Peter opens his mouth, then shuts it again. Takes a deep breath. “If I’d actually followed the leads like I said I would, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.” 

“That’s a big ‘if’,” says Sam, gesturing for Peter to sit down. “I don’t disagree that maybe - just maybe - if we’d been able to narrow down where Connors was hiding out, we might have avoided the whole thing at Columbia.”

“I’m –" 

“But _then_ you might have ended up in a sewer somewhere doing hand-to-hand with a lizard monster grown twice its original size,” says Sam. “So I would say there isn’t much point in speculating.” 

Peter just stares at his hands, wishing that Sam wouldn’t be so kind, that he’d _see_ Peter and recognise that ugly feeling that rears in Peter’s chest whenever he even thinks about having to put on the suit. 

“You know we all went into that situation with our eyes open, right?” Sam continues. “That’s the choice we make every time in this line of work.”

“I've been thinking about that, actually,” Peter says a little too quickly, before he loses his nerve. “About choosing. Whether to go in at all.”

“Yeah,” says Sam. “What about it?”

“I guess I used to know - before - that there was only ever one way I was going to choose.” 

He pauses. At some point in the intervening years that clarity has slipped away from him. It's like he's looked down for the first time and realised how far he has to fall. 

He's not been able to say this to anyone, because who is he to feel these things when they've given up so much more. And yet he knows now if he doesn’t, if he lets this fester and grow, more people will get hurt.

“I think I've lost my way a little,” Peter finally says. “A lot.”

Sam nods; pulls off the blue light glasses he only wears when Bucky’s not around to make comments about how he’s looking owlish. Peter stares at the VA pen holder on the corner of Sam’s desk and tries to will away the weird feeling that he’s about to cry. 

“Look, Peter,” Sam says, after a long moment. “Do you remember the time I blew half my savings on a round the world trip looking for Thor’s birds?” 

Peter glances up at Sam, startled. “You blew half your savings?” 

“What I’m saying is,” Sam continues, “you won’t be the first person who’s had to take some time out to think about stuff.”

“Time out,” Peter repeats.

“Did you think I was going to just give you a pep talk about how you need to stay strong and send you on your way?” asks Sam. “How old were you when you became Spider-man?”

“Fifteen.”

“That's a long time,” Sam says, and there's a weight and a weariness in his voice, like he understands what Peter is feeling. And of course he does, Peter realises - Sam had held on to his VA work as long as he could after becoming Captain America. He regularly jumps off buildings with a mechanical wing pack and no other powers to speak of.

“Well, nobody's going to blame you if you take a while to re-evaluate why you're doing this.”

“But there's night patrol–"

“New York City won't collapse into a sinkhole of crime just because Spider-man isn't around,” Sam tells him. “There are contingencies.”

Peter had come in here to be told off, or to be reminded that what they do is a calling and he should stay the course or whatever. But Sam just looks at Peter like he knows just how bone tired Peter feels, and suddenly Peter can't help the tears stinging his eyes.

“Whatever you decide to do, do it for the right reasons and not just because you made a decision when you were fifteen and got stuck on auto-pilot ever since,” says Sam. “If you need time to think about it, you have it.”

Peter scrubs a hand over his face. He tries to find the words to reply, but can't.

“I mean, I'll need to figure out where they keep those leave of absence forms, but I'm sure we can work something out.” Sam leans back in his chair and makes a surprised sound. “Wow. This is truly ergonomic.”

Later, when Peter has collected himself enough to make his way out from the facility, he turns to Sam and says, “Half your savings?”

Sam shakes his head. “I should never have told you that,” he mutters. “Yes, turns out Asgardian coin is weak against the US dollar. No, I don't regret it, even though I now have to share an apartment with Bucky Barnes, one half of the snoring symphonic duo.” He pauses and winces, possibly remembering that he's currently also got the other half on his living room couch. “Alright, so maybe I regret it a little.”

\---

r/avengers · i.redd.it  
Posted by u/trueavenger  
**SPIDER-MAN TRAILER**

[Video: Spider-Man First Look Trailer (HD)]

From the AV Club: Jamie Bell spends a lot of time hanging from the ceiling and looking soulfully at his mask in the newest trailer for _Spider-Man_ , Patty Jenkins’ drama based on the book by Betty Brant. From the looks of it, the film will explore Spider-man’s alleged origins as a scientist working on a variation of a super soldier serum, as well as his journey towards becoming an Avenger. John Krasinski makes an appearance as the first Captain America, Steve Rogers, while Constance Wu swings by as the Black Widow to recruit Spider-man to the Avengers. Keanu Reeves, fresh off his role as Poseidon in _Pirates 12_ , will play Tony Stark.

6.4k Comments | Share | Save

 **RatCave** · 5 hours ago  
Let me just unpack the amazingness of what we just saw:  
\- Those shots of Spidey swinging  
\- Spidey diving over that helicopter  
\- John Krasinski with THE SHIELD  
\- Black Widow: “throw me a line, will you” ICONIC  
\- Random woman on the street after Spidey saves her from getting blasted by a baddie holding some alien tech: “You got anything like that hidden inside your suit, Mr Spanx?”

↑ 893 ↓

  **duckybear**  
  Keanu’s Tony Stark voiceover about heroes - was that from a speech Stark actually made at some point?

↑ 241 ↓

    **StarkSpeechesBot**  
    Hi, I’m a bot for linking you to speeches Tony Stark has made.  
     ESU Commencement Speech

↑ 133 ↓

      **duckybear**  
      Good bot.

↑ 102 ↓

  **BatCaveDave**  
  Jamie Bell’s Queens accent is on point. Excited for this!

↑ 309 ↓

\---

“So when Dr Connors was talking about ‘breaking new frontiers in science’ I didn’t actually think he was going to _inject those frontiers into his veins_ ,” says Ned, who probably shouldn’t be gesticulating like that with his arm in a cast. 

“Thought I'd seen my last rampaging Doc after Peter's professor smashed my phone with one of his tentacles,” says Bucky, who is propped up next to Ned on the couch.

Ned is still in New York recovering from being kidnapped by his research supervisor and assisting with investigations, so they've taken the opportunity to have a small dinner at May’s. Nobody is calling it Peter’s leave of absence party. Not outright, anyway, but Peter’s seen the name of the chat group pop up on Ned’s screen. It is absolutely his leave of absence party. 

“Okay, something’s happened to the lasagna so maybe if someone could call for some pizza that would be great?” May says, coming out of the kitchen while beating back a cloud of smoke with her hands.

MJ holds up her phone. “I put the number on speed dial just for tonight.”

While MJ calls the pizza place, Peter tops up Ned’s and Bucky’s cups with fruit punch and settles in between them.

“Elbow,” warns Bucky.

“Elbow,” Ned also says. 

Peter digs his arms into their sides and gets two _oofs_ of annoyance for his effort. On the television, the second half of _Bourne VII: Born to Run_ continues to play. 

“Have you told Steve,” Bucky says, as The Rock hurls what looks suspiciously like a Time Stone at Matt Damon. 

“Uh,” says Peter. 

Bucky sighs. “You _texted_ him, didn’t you.” 

“He texted back,” says Peter, “he said ‘OK’. Then he typed ‘You’re a good kid, Peter’ and sent me a hand waving emoji. So I texted the others as well.”

“Wait one second,” Ned says, trying to set down his punch cup emphatically but failing because one of his arms is in a sling. He settles for handing it to Peter instead. “Do you mean to say that you broke up with the Avengers by text message?” 

“First of all, I’m not _breaking up_ with anyone, I’m taking a break,” says Peter. “Second of all–”

He’s interrupted by a knock on the door. 

“That can’t be the pizza,” says May, going over to answer it.

It is not the pizza. It is, instead, a sheepish-looking Steve Rogers. “I’m sorry to come by uninvited,” he says, while May stands there with her mouth open and her arms outstretched in surprise. “But there’s only so long we can park an invisible jet on the roof of this building, so–” 

“Will we ever be able to finish watching the damn picture?” Bucky groans.

“– want to take this party somewhere else?” Cap finishes. 

The Avengers edition of Peter’s leave of absence party is held at the same hangar-gym upstate where Mr Stark had previously thrown that whale garden party. This time, though, it takes place entirely indoors and features a very minimal number of whales (“We’re down to the last box of custom napkins,” Happy tells Peter triumphantly).

“I’m sorry to hear about the whole incident with Dr Connors,” Dr Banner says to Ned, who doesn’t stop shaking his hand for at least half a minute too long. Across the room, Rhodes, Maria Hill and Bucky are having a very serious conversation about finishings next to an antique sideboard.

Mr Stark appears forty-five minutes into the party, coming in through a sliding roof hatch that has ‘SPACESHIP THROUGH HERE’ painted on it in large red letters. He makes the rounds once his armour’s off, and when he finally gets to Peter he says, “I see Pepper’s turned you to the dark side. Company man, now? Traded one suit for another, et cetera?”

“Mr Stark,” says Peter, “I, uh–”

Mr Stark winks. “I’ve got no complaints, it’s my company.” But when he claps Peter on the shoulder there’s an unreadable look on his face. “Maybe fifteen is a little too early,” he says, almost more of a remark to himself than to Peter. 

“I just wanted to say that I’ve learned a lot, and I’m really grateful for everything, Mr Stark,” Peter says. “And I’m sorry I’ve not managed to use the new suit much.”

“Keep it,” says Mr Stark, his mouth quirking into a smile. “You never know.” 

In a far corner of the room, Ned and Dr Banner are still deep in conversation, while May, Sam, Wanda and Black Widow play a very competitive round of billiards. Over by the drinks, MJ and Cap appear to be talking about art. And also probably colonialism in art, because MJ is doing the thing where she stabs her index finger very forcefully at the table to make a point. 

There are, thankfully, no farewell speeches or video montages. (Cap’s retirement party had had a grand total of five, one of which had simply been a compilation of all the times he had said the words “suit up” and “look sharp” over the years.) Vision does, however, present Peter with a wool hat he’d knitted specially for the occasion, but it is decidedly unceremonious because Vision hands it to him while sticking out halfway through a wall and a potted plant. 

“This is great,” says Peter, looking down at the geometric design of spiders going all round the top. “I don’t know if can wear it in public, though, because it says ‘Peter Parker’ on one side and ‘Spider-man’ on the other.” 

“Ah, yes,” says Vision, “your secret identity. I will need to amend it, then.” He takes the hat gently from Peter and disappears back through the wall. 

“Your friends seem very nice,” says May later, coming by to where Peter’s seated on a couch with a whale-covered plate in his hand. 

Peter budges over to give her more room, and she sits down, looping her arm through his. “How are you feeling?” 

“Overwhelmed, I guess,” says Peter. “Relieved?” 

“I talked to Sam, you know. And Steve. And that Tony Stark,” May says, because this party is also functioning as some kind of weird PTA meeting. “They’re very proud of you.” 

Peter says nothing, just leans his head against May’s shoulder while she pats his wrist. 

“Are you?” he asks, after a pause. 

“Oh, Pete,” says May, resting her head on top of his. “Always. No matter what.” 

\---

 **BBC Breaking News** @BBCBreaking  
NASA Chief on Loki Odinson: “He tricked us all”  bbc.in/4AeoN5x

 **Reuters Top News** @Reuters  
Asgardian sovereign Thor Odinson says he tried to warn NASA: “One time when we were children, he transformed himself into a Persian rug...”  reut.rs/3Cz9Pt2

 **CNN Breaking News** @cnnbrk  
World Council of Interplanetary Relations says Loki’s theft of NASA spacecraft is “beyond the Council’s Jurisdiction”  cnn.it/6HpoyXk

 **New York Daily News** @NYDailyNews  
Avengers spokesperson confirms Sgt Bucky Barnes on permanent roster  nydn.us/2zKqpJo

 **The Daily Bugle** @dailybugle  
Washed Out: Winter Soldier And Scarlet Witch Pick Up Slack For Absentee Spider!  bug.le/6hQvGu

 **Industry City** @IndustryCity  
We bid (a hopefully temporary) farewell to our most badass tenant,  @barnescarpentry, who is taking a hiatus to go save the world. Best wishes from everyone at IC!

\---

Peter adjusts.

At first he doesn’t quite know what to do with his time, which stretches out before him now that he doesn’t have to contemplate night patrol or any sudden calls from the Avengers. For the first week he just fills up the hours not spent at work with YouTube videos, but after he finds himself spending two entire hours watching ‘How It’s Made’ clips, he knows he has to stop. 

He establishes a schedule. It begins with dinner at May’s on Tuesdays and the usual movie nights at Sam and Bucky’s on Fridays when they’re not out on duty. Then he starts setting aside time to read books he wants to look into for work purposes. MJ recruits him to help out with a tutoring programme for youths that she had started with some friends, which takes up another night each week. And every other Saturday, Peter goes round to Cap’s community garden to help Cap’s scary lady friends carry things while Cap’s off doing mediation sessions. 

He tries new things. Like picking up the clarinet again (with moderate success and some annoyance from his neighbours) and attempting to make a chair with leftovers from Bucky’s workshop (after he breaks a piece of wood by accident while trying to sand it, Bucky has to go off to be alone for a while). And asking Gwen to dinner. Dinner, which takes place at a cosy little New American place in the East Village that May promises they’ll love, starts with Peter spilling water down his shirt and ends with Gwen giving him the “I’m not really looking for a relationship at this point in my life” speech. But she also says, “I think we’ll be really great friends,” and sounds like she really means it, so he’s not too bummed about the whole thing. 

There are moments, of course. When he hears a police siren that’s particularly close, or sees a news report of an unfolding incident somewhere in New York, his first instinct is still to duck somewhere inconspicuous to change into his suit. But as the weeks pass he grows accustomed to not having it like a second skin under his clothes. The one time he’s in a bodega while it’s being robbed, he successfully calls the police in time.

One Saturday afternoon, months on, he runs into Cindy Moon from academic decathlon. 

“So what are you up to these days?” she asks.

Peter smiles, and tells her. 

\---

 **MJ:**  
So Tall Mike got a B+ on his algebra test, and Funny Mike says he thinks he did okay for chemistry quiz [flexed bicep emoji]  
Nia needs a little help with reading, think you can drop by another time this week?

 **May:**  
I think there’s something wrong with the oven, could you please take a look at it when you come over?

 **Lillian Santoro (Cap’s friend):**  
Dear Peter, Thank you for your help the other day carrying my new dresser up the stairs for me. I appreciate it very much. God bless you. Yours Truly, Lilian Santoro.

 **Oscar (Cap’s friend):**  
Hey man, thanks for the advice on how to help that kid who’s being bullied  
Dk how much of a difference I made but just trying my best like you said

\---

“How’s civilian life treating you?” asks Cap, when they’re walking back from the community garden one Saturday. 

“It’s been okay,” Peter replies. “I’ve been using the time to think about things.”

Cap nods. “Any conclusions so far?” 

“I, uh, I think I definitely want to keep helping people,” says Peter, wincing at how lame he sounds. “I think I kind of lost sight of that aspect of it, before.”

“Seems to me you’re helping plenty of people now,” says Cap. 

Peter ducks his head and stuffs his hands deeper into his jacket pockets. “Do you miss it?” he asks, after a moment. “Being Cap.” 

Cap shrugs. “Sometimes. I certainly don’t miss being shot at, or blown out of the sky,” he says. “There are times when I watch the news and wonder if things could be made a little better if I got out there again.” 

“Yeah,” says Peter.

“But you know what I like about gardening?” says Cap. “You get a sense that there are seasons. Sometimes a plot just needs to lie fallow, or needs a cover crop planted for a while. The way I see it, there’ll always be an emergency somewhere and there’s a responsibility to answer that call. But it can’t always be you. Sometimes the responsible thing is to rest, and trust that your team will be able to handle it.”

“Wow, Cap,” says Peter. “That’s really deep.” 

“Oh god,” says Bucky, when Peter repeats Cap’s words of wisdom the following Friday while they’re attempting to finish _Bourne VII: Born to Run_. “His gardening obsession is _out of control_.”

“It kind of is,” Sam agrees. 

“I’m right here, you know,” Cap says, emerging from the kitchen. 

“I _know_ ,” says Bucky. “Someone stage a damn intervention already.” 

Cap doesn’t look particularly hurt, probably because Bucky had also gifted him with four handmade tomato trellises earlier that month.

“Shield’s in my office if you ever need it,” Sam tells Cap with a wink, crossing the room to get his mat. 

“Quit walking in front of the television,” Bucky grumbles. 

“I think,” says Cap, “crime-fighting has made you even more bad-tempered than usual.”

“No, I just really want to know what happens at the end of this movie,” says Bucky. 

Peter sits up. “You mean you _haven’t_ read the Wikipedia page for this?”

Bucky throws his hands up. “What am I, a barbarian?” 

They do manage to finish _Bourne VII_ on the third attempt, and while Sam and Cap head down to get more snacks, Bucky says, “It’s nice to see you look like you’ve been sleeping again.” 

“Thanks for - well. When Sam said contingencies, I didn’t realise he meant you,” says Peter. 

Bucky shrugs. “I volunteered,” he says. “Seemed like a thing to do.” 

“But what about your carpentry?”

“I’m not giving that up,” says Bucky. “But it was time to step up, so I did. After fallowing, or whatever.” He waves his hands. “Don’t tell Stevie I used his metaphor.”

Some nights Peter dreams he is swinging through the city. He revels in the familiar rhythm of falling and flying and catching himself, and wakes up with restlessness itching in his limbs. 

Other nights he dreams of climbing, up and up and up until he’s got the whole expanse of the city unfolded impossibly before him. Some nights he looks down and is terrified by its vastness, by the unspooled threads of its dangers too numerous to gather in his fingers. Other nights he looks down and is calmed by its vastness, by the knowledge that this city is not his to carry alone.

One night, he looks down and feels both at the same time, two points in perfect tension. He turns around on the ledge, slowly, heart thudding in his chest, so that he is facing the city and his back is pressed against the building he has scaled. 

He lifts his hands away from the wall. His feet do not slip.

\---

**Shawarma buddies**

_Messages sent on StarkChat are secured with end-to-end encryption, whatever that is. Actually, you should probably tap for more info._

**scary spice:  
** fellas there’s an unclaimed stun gun on the quinjet that I will take if nobody collects it by 5 pm

TODAY

 **posh spice:  
** Tony are you in Chicago  
Please tell me that suit flying against traffic in the Loop is not yours

 **tony stank:  
** rhodey I’m confusing the spices, please refresh my memory

 **posh spice:**  
Tony just answer the question or I’ll come stab you in the neck with a needle again

 **tony stank:**  
got it - scary is barnes, posh is romanoff  
also, that’s not _my_ suit in the technical sense  
I was at most a consultant

 **birb captain:  
** You mean there’s another one of you??

 **tony stank:**  
15 y/o genius at MIT built a suit from scratch

 **birb captain** is typing…  
**posh spice** is typing…

 **tony stank:**  
relax, she’s on a stark foundation mentorship programme  
no immediate recruitment plans 

**warmachinerox:**  
Do you mean stank foundation 

**sporty spice:**  
[face with tears of joy emoji]

 **warmachinerox:**  
Nice to see you, Cap

\---

This is how it begins again: Peter returns from a meeting one morning to find an instant message from Arun on his screen.

 _Omggggg_ , Arun has typed. _Harry Osborn just walked into the office what the fuck is going on_.

 _!!!!!_ , Peter replies, _is he threatening anybody???????_

Arun does not reply. Peter whips out his phone and finds the Avengers chat group filled with updates about a prison break orchestrated by ‘Hydro-man’. He calls Sam.

“Harry Osborn just walked into Oscorp R&D,” he says. 

“Okay, good to know, I’ll get eyes there,” says Sam. “We’ve got some Hydro-man and Sandman buddy combo running around calling itself ‘mud-man’ over in Brooklyn, and that’s just the ones we’re able to keep track of.” He muffles the phone and says something to someone else. “Thanks, Pete, stay safe,” he adds, before hanging up. 

Peter returns to the report on long-chain polymer research that he’s been reading. He re-reads Arun’s message, and sees that Arun is now offline. He tries to read the next paragraph of the report. 

“Gwen,” he says after a moment, rolling his chair backwards out of his cubicle. “I’m heading out for a little while because–”

“Yeah, got it,” says Gwen two cubicles down, not pausing in her typing, “if you’re picking up coffee on the way back could you get me one as well please?”

“Sure,” Peter replies, and pulls out the briefcase containing spare web shooters and fluid that he keeps in his bottom drawer for emergencies. He pauses. His suit is still in Queens. 

He will have to make do. 

Spider-man makes his grand return to New York City in an I ♥ NY hoodie, jogging pants, gardening gloves, Tim Bianchi’s brand new Vibram FiveFinger shoes, and a balaclava with goggles. 

By the time he gets in through the usual roof door at the top of Oscorp Tower and makes it down to R&D, Harry has gone full Goblin again. He’s also put on his old ‘Doing Freakin’ Science’ Spotify playlist and is demanding to know where his alcohol stash has gone when Peter swings in. 

“Oh my god is that a burglar?” Harry asks, in the split second before Peter kicks him in the chest. 

“Surrender your weapons and turn yourself in,” says Peter. 

“ _You_ surrender your weapons or I’ll have you escorted you off Oscorp property!” Harry shouts, scrambling to his feet. “How dare you come into the Party Lab!”

Peter webs Harry’s hands to a table before he can reach for any of the pumpkin bombs on his utility belt. “Sir, Ma’am,” he says urgently to Arun and Jen, “could you take your colleagues out of the Party Lab and get them somewhere safe?” 

“Nobody calls it the Party Lab,” Jen whispers, while she and Arun grab the others and scramble out of the room. 

“Wait a minute,” says Harry with dawning realisation, “are you supposed to be the Spider-man?” 

“Uh,” says Peter, glancing down at his outfit. It’s a fair question. “Yeah.” 

“Oh, good,” Harry replies, as his goblin mask slides down over his face. “‘Cause I’m gonna kill you.” 

The glider comes in through the window, shattering glass all over the lab, while with a great roar Harry wrenches one of his hands free from the table. “I will get my revenge!” he bellows, while a remix of _Despacito_ from Harry’s terrible playlist continues blasting in the background. Peter leaps onto the ceiling just in time to avoid the glider slicing towards him. It slams into the wall. Peter uses the extra two seconds to drop down, pick up one of the Oscorp-Stark prototype energy dampeners from Mason Chan’s bench, and fling it towards the glider. 

The dampener sticks, and the glider judders and drops. Huh, Peter thinks. Perhaps it pays to be familiar with the prototype inventory. 

“I’ve dreamed of this day every day I was in prison,” Harry shouts, charging towards Peter. 

“I’m touched,” says Peter, ducking a punch and leaping out of Harry’s range in order to web him up again. “But couldn’t you have spent that time thinking up some better lines?” 

Fighting Harry comes back to Peter almost as easily as wrangling Harry does. The problem, of course, is how unpredictable Harry can be, and it doesn’t help that whatever’s in the goblin serum has made him stupidly strong. The third time Peter gets flung across the room, cracking one of Jen’s experimental solar panels in the process, he starts to really appreciate how much cushioning Mr Stark’s suits have built into the material.

Finally, Peter settles for the strategy of covering Harry entirely in web, which is something he’s wanted to do since re-watching the third Lord of the Rings movie but hasn’t had a chance to. It works, except for the part where Harry sets off a pumpkin bomb just before he’s completely immobilised, and Peter realises his balaclava gives him no protection against poisonous substances. 

Which is how Bucky and Wanda find Spider-man and the Green Goblin collapsed on the floor of the Oscorp R&D lab, with Sarah McLachlan playing on the speakers. 

Peter comes to inside the Quinjet. 

“What’s your name?” Cap asks. 

“Peter Parker,” Peter says, trying to sit up. “Why are you here?” 

Cap puts one hand on Peter’s shoulder and gently presses him back down. “Backup. Also, it turns out Namor and Attuma are pretty good at containing Hydro-man, when they decide to cooperate.” __  
  
“Okay,” says Peter, leaning back against the pillow. “Have they taken Harry in?” 

“Yes,” Cap replies. “Good job on that, Pete.” 

“Yeah,” says Sam, coming in from the cockpit. “Although if you’re thinking of doing this long term again you might want to think about getting a slightly better suit.” He says this neutrally, like he’s being careful not to sound like he’s suggesting that Peter make any decision just yet. 

“Yeah,” says Peter, wiggling the toes of Tim Bianchi’s terrible shoes, “I may be in need of an upgrade.” 

\---

 **Variety** | ‘Spider-Man’ Red Carpet Premiere (Photos)

[Photo]  
1\. **Jamie Bell**  
Spider-Man himself, Jamie Bell, was one of the first to arrive. He told Variety he was “beyond thrilled” by the recent news of the real Spider-man’s return to New York City, and that his background in dance “really helped in embodying the physicality of the character”. 

[Photo]  
2\. **Mahershala Ali**  
Academy Award-winning actor Mahershala Ali was all smiles on the red carpet. He reportedly exchanged email correspondence with the current Captain America, Samuel Wilson, in preparation for playing him in the film. 

[Photo]  
3\. **Constance Wu and Richard Madden**  
Constance Wu and Richard Madden stopped for a photo together on the carpet. Madden joked about being mistaken for Sgt Bucky Barnes in a Starbucks in Brooklyn: “They were really disappointed when they figured out it was me.” Wu, who plays Black Widow, quipped, “Thankfully I have no such problems.”

[Photo]  
4\. **Thor Odinson, Saoirse Ronan, Oscar Isaac, Michael Ealy, John Krasinski**  
King of Asgard Thor Odinson, who plays himself in the film, posed for a photo with excited members of the cast, including Saoirse Ronan, who plays Scarlet Witch; Oscar Isaac, who plays Dr Bruce Banner; Michael Ealy, who plays Hawkeye; and John Krasinski, who plays former Captain America Steve Rogers. “It was good fun,” Odinson told Variety, “my brother Loki would have enjoyed this immensely, but he’s also in space on a stolen ship right now, so.” 

[Photo]  
5\. **Tony Stark and Keanu Reeves**  
Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, and Iron Man Tony Stark put in a brief appearance on the carpet, to fans’ great excitement. He posed for a photo with Keanu Reeves, who plays him in the film. “I am offended by how handsome he is,” he told Variety, while Reeves added that “the feeling is mutual.” 

\---

Because Mr Stark is Mr Stark, they get a private screening of the Spider-Man film in his party hangar. This is mostly so everyone can talk over the movie in peace without having to worry about giving away Peter’s secret identity. 

“Do you know how weird it is to be apprehending a criminal while a bus with your face on it goes past?” Bucky tells Peter, during the extremely long opening sequence which is like the beginning of _Fight Club_ except with spider webs and DNA strands. 

“First of all, not my face,” Peter replies. “Second of all, _yes_.”

“Better your face than Keanu Reeves’ face,” says Wanda, well aware of what it takes to get Mr Stark bellowing again. 

“What I want to know,” says Mr Stark, valiantly not rising to the bait, “is why Maria gave _Thor_ clearance on appearing in this thing, and didn’t even mention to me that it was an option.”

“I think her reasons for that are quite clear,” Sam says dryly. 

“Will everyone please shush?” says MJ, as Jamie Bell chews gum and shouts science things in a lab.

The film is actually better than okay. Of course, everything’s just a little bit more slick than in real life and it’s weird seeing another person’s idea of the Avengers up on screen. But there are plenty of jokes and the action is decent, and they all cheer the first time Jim from _The Office_ throws Captain America’s shield. 

Peter makes it till the part where Jamie Bell is being sad about having missed Thanksgiving dinner while he was off fighting crime, before deciding that he’s seen enough and slipping out of the room. 

Bucky finds him up on the roof, and hands him a slice of pizza on a whale plate. “Too much?” 

“It got a little awkward I guess,” says Peter. “With the music and the big speeches and everything, like it’s some big hero’s journey.”

“Yeah because let’s be honest, you’d rather the soundtrack be Sarah McLachlan,” Bucky says.

“You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?” says Peter. “That was _Harry_ ’s playlist.”

Bucky snorts. “I heard you had a talk with Pepper.”

“Yeah,” says Peter. “I told her I probably can’t continue with the strategy unit now that I’m back to being Spider-man.” 

“She say anything?” 

“She said she understood, so I’m back at the Oscorp side of the house again,” says Peter. “The hours aren’t great either, but I’m on my own schedule now, in the lab.”

“More time for night patrol?” 

“More time for everything, I guess,” says Peter. “I’m still doing a bit of tutoring.”

Gwen had been disappointed to hear the news, although Tim Bianchi, having come round to Peter after being surprised by a replacement pair of Vibram FiveFingers, seems to have taken it even harder. And at first it had been weird to be back in his grubby Oscorp cubicle, and to come in each day to see the remains of the Party Lab that Office Management was still waiting to clean up. Then Jen had produced some We-Survived-Another-Goblin-Attack cake and Arun had helped Peter put his ‘Corporate Peen’ nameplate back up, and he’d felt right at home.

“I heard you’re back on top of that bike angel leaderboard,” says Peter. 

“Yeah,” said Bucky. “I had to pay them back for the fifteen or so bikes I wrecked, though.” 

Peter laughs. 

Bucky slings an arm around Peter’s shoulders. “It’s good to have you back, pal.”

“Thanks,” says Peter, feeling kind of touched. Then he realises Bucky is humming the opening lines of _I Will Remember You_ , and that his hold on Peter’s shoulder has turned into a death grip. “Oh my god will you ever let this go–”

Bucky only stops humming because he’s laughing too hard to continue. 

\---

**fyeahjbbarnes**

BuzzFeed Celebrity News | **Fans Get Autographs And Pictures With “Richard Madden” In Sunset Park Cafe - Later Realise He Was Bucky Barnes**

Read More →

#what the hell #jbb #richard madden does NOT look like jbb #spidey #the movie was so good though

  **mockingbird**  
  omg i clicked on the link and he actually signed that poster with “I am not Richard Madden” i’m dying

    **marconi**  
    the man is a troll I didn’t know I could love him more than I already did

  **suchafullsea**  
  what’s funny is that you can see his former college roommate in the corner of that photo looking like he’s trying so hard not to laugh

    **buckybear**  
    Their friendship is so golden I love that they still hang out

      **fyeahjbbarnes**  
      Fun fact: that guy actually went to high school with Betty Brant and was interviewed for the Spideywatch book - he met Spider-man during an internship with Stark Industries and said he was always chewing gum and listening to AC/DC

        **buckybear**  
        omg how did I miss that?

          **fyeahjbbarnes**  
          p 121, it’s the quote from Peter Parker

**Author's Note:**

> f: you make me wanna write fic again  
> me: I make me wanna lie down again 
> 
> Huuuge thanks to forochel for reading through this and for the constant encouragement!
> 
> Title from Pluto by Sleeping At Last.
> 
> (Also when will I stop yelling about jamie bell the answer is Never)


End file.
